How's the Weather Today?

i keep asking my frenz this question lately? Mostly wanna know how is she really doing every day. its been bumpy and cloudy last week. but then.. cant expect it 's gonna be bright and sunny every day.

but today, the weather is nice. light rain.... and the sea is rushing to shore... breezy...

and im loving it, definitely!

And im missing him badly...

Deep within the corners of my mind
I keep a memory of your faces
And I only pull it out when I long for your embrace

Deep within the corners of my mind
I’m haunted by your smile
As it promises me joys like a journey to a tropic isle
It’s not hard to see what you do to me
It’s like a page right out of fist time wave
Though I try to fight it all the word you write
Leave me standing in the starry robe in some tragic lovers place

But deep within the corners of my mind
I’m praying secretly that eventually in time
There’ll be a place for you and me

That eventually in time
There’ll be a place for you and me
There’ll be a place for you and me

Deep within the corners of my mind

-Melody Gardot-

bersediakah aku?

ramadhan dah hampir. bulan yg mulia. kalau dulu rasa seronok sgt bila ramdhan dtg. tapi tahun ni, tak rasa pun macam tu. rasa takut utk menempuhnya lagi adalah. tapi aku tau aku tak bleh tipu diri sendirI. mahu atau tidak, dia pasti hampir. mengapa takutkan ramadhan? bukan itu bukan mulia yg ditunggu oleh umat islam?

aku tak bersedia tuk menempuh Ramdhan tahun ini sebab Papa dah tiada. takut sangat nak pikirkan macam mana nak menghadapi bulan Ramadhan dan seterusnya Syawal. Ramadhan terlalu istimewa tuk kami. Tuk keluarga kami... Papa org yg paling busy bila datangnya ramadhan. Sepanjang perkahwinan ibu ngan papa, ibu tak pernah sediakan sahur tuk kami sekeluarga. Itu tugas Papa. Papa akan bangun awal tuk masuh sahur setiap pagi. Without fails! Kerja kitaorg adik beradik hanyalah sediakan pinggan mangkuk, kejutkan ibu tuk makan sahur. Papa tak akan susahkan ibu tuk sahur. Cuma apa yg dia nak hanyalah teh tarik ibu buat pelengkap sahurnya.

Daytime selalunya papa ada jer kerjanya. Sibuk nak sediakan tuk anak2 berbuka pulak. He'll call u and tanya nak makan apa for berbuka. Masa tulah bole request macam2 and jarang sekali Papa menghampakan kitaorg.. Im so gonna missed his homemade murtabak for berbuka, his kerabu mangga for bersahur and his sup sayur when i dont feels like having nasik for that day.

And im so not ready to have Syawal. I wont be able to taste Papa specialty anymore. Tak akan dapat lagi nak cium tangan Papa...Tak akan dapat lagi gosok kan baju melayu dia, samping dia, siapkan songkok dia.. butang baju melayu diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Ya Allah sebaknya dada ni!!!!!

Ya Allah kuatkan lah hati ini... Berikan aku kekuatan dan menerima takdir yang telah kau tetapkan. Pada mu jelah aku mampu memohon dan berserah.. Ampun kan segala dosa Papa samada kecil atau besar, disedari atau tidak disedarinya. Terangilah dan lapangkanlah kuburnya, tempatkan dia di golongan org2 yang beriman. Tempatkanlah dia di Syurgamu. Permudahkanlah urusannya bersamaMu. Makbulkan doa ku ini Ya Allah.

Dan Ya Allah....

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba masaku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Andai kutahu
MalaikatMu kan menjemputku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku
Menangisku bertobat padaMu

Aku manusia
Yang takut neraka
Namun aku juga
Tak pantas di surga

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

C'est la vie

after a great weekend, somehow my world start to turn me down. after too much anticipation, it aint coming... it just never there. never...

ive been holding back.. but it aint easy. holding your tears was never easy. at least not to me. yup.. mum used to tell me that im a one drama queen. but i guess i know from whom i inherited it. and it must be u mum.

arghhh.. not only i have to bear the emptiness, the pain has just set in. seriously i hopes this wud only last for few days. to endure more pain is so unbearable.

the mixed feelings in me just killed me. coz its not easy, its never easy! trying to calm yourself and in the same time trying to deal with the pain, darn, that's hard!

Thank god, there's Humairah.. the lil angel.. who make me laugh.. who make me smile... tq Dib and Ahtan for your kindness in sharing her with the world. You guys just make someone's world feel brighter. I owe u for your kindness. Thank you so much!

but as i hold this words close to my heart, the Merciful Allah knows better... I verily belief He has better things for me. Patience is a virtue. Would it be there or not, is purely not within my power. It may take days, months or years but as hubby said, we shud never ever turn ourself down. The law of attractions is there. +ve vibes invite +ve outcome. Need to switch this kacau mental to normal setting again.. sigh...

And yes B, i thank you for being there, 24-7. I heart u with every beat of my heart.

And please sun keep on shining and yes sea please always rush to shore... for that is life...

bak kata junior i, TETAP MELAYU WALAU BERUBAH BENTUK SEKALIPUN

hari ni cuaca sungguh mencabar. bahang kepanasan sangat2 terasa. masa ni mengingtakkan diri how much i miss tokyo dearly. summer in tokyo was the best experience penah i rasa. it hot and sunny there. but its WINDY. panas pun tak apa. coz the air still terasa fresh and sepoi2 bahasa. how i really miss tokyo.. and yes.. fukuoka too..

on the top of that, what made me love tokyo is because the culture that they embrace. they really preserve their heritage and maintain their lifestyle in the same time. at one point i think they are conventional but yet, they are more advanced compared to other society. in fact, kekadang kita tak sempat nak kejar the development yg mereka dah cipta. ahead dari mana2 society or country!

the japanese are the most shy people ive ever met. but they are friendly and helpful in their own way. i remembered during my stay in fukuoka. di sekolah masa tu tak ramai yg i really kenal. but then didnt stop them from throwing smile to me. but if approached them, tiba2 saja the shy shield pun kuar. and the funniest part, mereka yg shy nilah yg byk bagi farewell gift when i left the school.

i respect the japanese! in so many numerous ways. i can sense that here, if i talk a lot bout other culture but mine, they will labeled me. not proud of my own culture, malukan my ancestor. sometimes when i talked bout how great japanese are, they will find me as bragging. saja nak menunjuk. bukannya mereka nak tgk or evaluate my words bila i praised the japanese. why do i looked up on them. but its more easier for them to think that my act was merely a show off.

but when i told them how much i enjoyed indonesia, lain pulak citernya! kata depa apa yg lebihnya indonesia? then i said i love their rich culture. again, they looked at me and gave me the disbelief look. like telling me , "why???" to them, the indonesians here are so desperate looking for fortune. cheap labour! but hello!!!!! dont u think these people are smart? they know how big and great the opportunities here. so cepat2 depa grabs it. furthermore, malaysian sendiri tak mahu rebut peluang tu. baik bagi jer kat mereka! sigh...

so, when i told them that i misses indonesia and wanna visit indonesia soon, semua buat muka and said "u migrate sana jelah deb. cakap pun dah macam indon!" this time tak tau nak rasa bangga or otherwise...

disebabkan itu semua, malam ni i forced hubby to take me to sushi king for dinner. though the truth is i never enjoyed sushi king coz ive tasted the real thing and it tasted wayyyyyyyyyyy better. tapi rindu to that katsu curry gohan, i belasah jer la.. tak lepas pun rindunya.. curry rice di small shop depan Laox dekat Akihabara tulahhhhhhhh yg terbaik! Mochi dan Sukiyaki my foster mum lah yg paling sedap ive eaten so far.. oh how much i miss japan!

balik tadi, i was wondering, hilangkah melayu diri ini kerana menyukai budaya jepun dan lebih mendengar dan mendendangkan lagu indon? pedulik lah.. yg penting im going to Lombok!!!! hehehe.... :p