bersediakah aku?

ramadhan dah hampir. bulan yg mulia. kalau dulu rasa seronok sgt bila ramdhan dtg. tapi tahun ni, tak rasa pun macam tu. rasa takut utk menempuhnya lagi adalah. tapi aku tau aku tak bleh tipu diri sendirI. mahu atau tidak, dia pasti hampir. mengapa takutkan ramadhan? bukan itu bukan mulia yg ditunggu oleh umat islam?

aku tak bersedia tuk menempuh Ramdhan tahun ini sebab Papa dah tiada. takut sangat nak pikirkan macam mana nak menghadapi bulan Ramadhan dan seterusnya Syawal. Ramadhan terlalu istimewa tuk kami. Tuk keluarga kami... Papa org yg paling busy bila datangnya ramadhan. Sepanjang perkahwinan ibu ngan papa, ibu tak pernah sediakan sahur tuk kami sekeluarga. Itu tugas Papa. Papa akan bangun awal tuk masuh sahur setiap pagi. Without fails! Kerja kitaorg adik beradik hanyalah sediakan pinggan mangkuk, kejutkan ibu tuk makan sahur. Papa tak akan susahkan ibu tuk sahur. Cuma apa yg dia nak hanyalah teh tarik ibu buat pelengkap sahurnya.

Daytime selalunya papa ada jer kerjanya. Sibuk nak sediakan tuk anak2 berbuka pulak. He'll call u and tanya nak makan apa for berbuka. Masa tulah bole request macam2 and jarang sekali Papa menghampakan kitaorg.. Im so gonna missed his homemade murtabak for berbuka, his kerabu mangga for bersahur and his sup sayur when i dont feels like having nasik for that day.

And im so not ready to have Syawal. I wont be able to taste Papa specialty anymore. Tak akan dapat lagi nak cium tangan Papa...Tak akan dapat lagi gosok kan baju melayu dia, samping dia, siapkan songkok dia.. butang baju melayu diaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.... Ya Allah sebaknya dada ni!!!!!

Ya Allah kuatkan lah hati ini... Berikan aku kekuatan dan menerima takdir yang telah kau tetapkan. Pada mu jelah aku mampu memohon dan berserah.. Ampun kan segala dosa Papa samada kecil atau besar, disedari atau tidak disedarinya. Terangilah dan lapangkanlah kuburnya, tempatkan dia di golongan org2 yang beriman. Tempatkanlah dia di Syurgamu. Permudahkanlah urusannya bersamaMu. Makbulkan doa ku ini Ya Allah.

Dan Ya Allah....

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba masaku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Andai kutahu
MalaikatMu kan menjemputku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku
Menangisku bertobat padaMu

Aku manusia
Yang takut neraka
Namun aku juga
Tak pantas di surga

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

Its too many..

its been quite stimes since the last time i wrote. byk sgt benda nak ditulis dlm blog ni tapi senantiasa tak berjaya. busy or malas? there's fine thin line between both. well, let's not go there.

on 28th of July, ive celebrated my 3rd Anniversary. Blessed and thankful to great Allah for the journey He created for me along this marriage. i know there's a long way to go, but sincerely this 3 years had really crafted at least part of what i am now. Hubby is one of the great gift given by Him to me. He's not like what i am. Totally contradict. despite the differences, we build this marriage and strengthen this relationship though we've yet to have our own Lil Nan or Lil Deb. It's something that we both nak sangat. Tapi kalau belum masanya lagi, we both kena redha.

Recently jugak Hubby entered this IPCC Digital Interactive Comic organised by MSC. Dari last year lagi he wanted to enter this competition, cuma when he found bout it, dah pun terlepas the closing date. So this year, hubby beria2 dari awal tahun simpan azam nak masuk this competition. Ive heard bout 100 of his ideas. Most of it i just nod acoordingly or tambah sikit2 but more like buat jokes dari bagi good ideas.

So last month tiba2 he said, "B, i nak anta my comic for IPCC. tapi i xde story lagi"

And i yg confused ni pun tanya "What happened to our all ideas tu?"

He said" tak cukup power. i takmahu typical comic story. just like what most people buat kat msia ni"

So, i leave him alone. About a month, he sat in his room, tido lambat kekadang, and if nak released tension pun he prefer to sat in fornt of the TV and opt for his PS3. On one fine day, tiba2 he dok mengelabah, called my sis mintak tolong buat Budget Plan and some translation. And guess what, the submission day just tinggal sehari je lagi. But one thing bout Hubby, form beginning dia dah confident will be short listed to the top 20. so whwn they emailed him and told him that he's selected for the Final Round, masa tu di baru gelebah sungguh. This time he needs to prepare his presentation outline. As usual, last minute job saved him. Memang Hubby is not the type get it done cepat2. So, the nite before the dat of submission memang hectic sungguh. He didnt sleep, missed her foods and less attention given to the wifey. am i complaining? hell yes.. hahaha..

But its all worth it. He was great during the presentation. In facts the judges had unanimously voted for him. So when they announced him as the winner that eve, we all sooooooo happy. Jumping with joy!!!!!! Alhamdulilah... He deserved it. This is the one of the best moments in his life he said. same goes to me.. Again, syukur sangat2... ;)

Anor shocking moments for July was losing Yasmin Ahmad. I loves all her works. But the most shocking is when Kosmo! the tabloid had just acted stupidly, writing sthing which is uncalled for! At their defense, they said, they just wanna inform the reader bout Yasmin's that most of us not aware of and more like telling the reader the truth of her. Hey, i know what could sell papers.. Sex, sex, sex.. Because of this, they had go so low by printing that info. Well, honestly, does it really matter? And again, they using freedom of speech/media as their defense. Hello????????? If it doenst benefit u, u will said in the interest of media u have the right to do so. What if its benefited u????? U definitely would turn the table huh? Though Kosmo! had made a public apology to Yasmin's family and friends, this would not change the facts that how so unethical the writer and the editor! Bonggok sungguh!!!!

And on anor fine weekends, bout few hundreds or thousands of smart people marched on the road, tried to deliver the Memorandum v ISA to the Palace. One must thinking why do they marched? Even our PM had posted this question to the organiser. Because at this very moment the government is reviewing ISA on the need or the effect of not having it in the future. But n ooooo... its not good enough. We must create some chaos in the city then only government would hear us. Is that true? Hell no........ But i am suprised when i read my ex president of Bar Council on the reasons given by him anwering PM's Question why did the rakyat opted to march on that very said date...

Mr. Yeo in his statment printed in the Sun had said that the reason of why the raakyat marched is because they cannot compromise with governmnet in responding this matter. too many ISA's detainees family felt that it was unjustice. Fine.. I do understand their sentiment.. But.. to these people who marched, do they really knew what ISA is all about? The existence, the function, the repurcussion etc?

Percayalah... 3/4 org yg joined the said march tak tahu apa itu ISA. Mengapa ISA harus dimansuhkan or harus dikekalkan! To them those people in France, US had done it. Marching and protest in the street. that must sounds right kan......... So there shud be no reason why they cant do it.. Yelah tu!!!!!!! The different between them and you is, they know what are they fighting for. They understand their mission and objective! But honestly, these Msians yg participate on the protest dont even know the meaning of ISA. I met this boy who dengan bangganya menyatakan that he was there when the FRU using the drastic measure. Water canon, smoke balls etc.. bangga dapat tangkap gambar so that bila balik bole tunjuk kt org Kg. (dalam kes ini dia dari Kelantan) yg dia ada sama2 berhimpun, cuba berarak dari Sogo ke Masjid Jamek!!!!!! And when i asked ngapa dia nak ISA di mansuhkan? Guess apa jawapan dia???????
"Supaya pembangkang bole memerintah!" WTF!!!!!! Ishh...

Because of this la i think ISA should be remained! Susah nak cakap kalo org tak paham apa ISA itu sebenarnya!!!!!

Hah, tulah dia... Finally i managed to write this down.. Lega sikit.. But nooooooo.. there's anor issue that really attract my attention, Penang's High Chaparral.... darn, tomorow is friday. the final day. let just wait and see. maybe i shud write this topic on a new post. Meanwhile, clock struck at 2am dah.. maybe i shud sign off. nak kena tido. esok kul 530 dah nak bangun...haaa....

Nite2 peeps....